Home
   
05:48pm 22/11/2007
  this is my first thanksgiving away from family. i AM homesick, i'll admit, but remembering the awkwardness of having to spend the whole day with a grammy who doesn't know me anymore, (as well as other humorous/uncomfortable circumstances), makes it ok. it's just another day, i suppose, but the holidays sure do make me eager for those in my future when i'll be able to be domestic and care for people.  
     Read 1 - Post
 
   
06:19pm 29/08/2007
  so, workin' at starbucks now. not great. could be worse. i'm still looking for better. but early mornings and free caffeine make me feel weird.  
     Post
 
   
04:23am 25/07/2007
  i need a job. i need sun light. i need to still be taking prozac. prozac. prozac. i don't want to have to take it. that's why i don't take it. i want friends. not gay guys that merely pretend to be my friend in an attempt to get to mark (isn't he pretty, though?) and not people i hang out with simply because i "should be hanging out with people". it seems the only people i have a desire to spend time with stop talking to me, which makes me wonder if i simply think i would like to spend time with them because they have rejected me or something? i don't think so. i don't know. my skin is wicked bad right now. that, along with the extra strong compulsion to eat probably signifies that i'm gonna be on the scab soon. lol. such a gross image. job. i need a job. a job. i'm not happy without a job. without money.  
     Read 2 - Post
 
   
02:01am 11/07/2007
  still no job for certain, though there are a couple strong possibilities.

definitely feeling too voluptuous recently. move more, eat less, drink tea, stop buying cookies! of course!

funds depleting quickly without a job. go figure.

i think i really miss arizona.		  
     Read 1 - Post
 
   
03:09am 06/07/2007
  clean your act up, chicago. seriously.  
     Post
 
   
02:14pm 01/07/2007
  update:

blue hair, no job, wtf.		  
     Read 2 - Post
 
   
11:08am 30/06/2007
  so, watching the show called "made" on mtv right now. it used to be about individual personal development, but now they've turned it in to a competition, between friends, no less! ugh.

i bleached my hair last night. it turned out alright. pretty even all over, but much more yellow than the white i had hoped for. i think i'll be dying it blue and purple. friends have mentioned that dying it like that would be awfully dyke-ish, but it seems rather unfair that fun things like color have been pigeon-holed as being gay attributes. you can't just claim a rainbow.... or can you? maybe fragmented light IS inherently gay. hmm....

i've had a cold type thing for about a week. i think i'm getting better but waking up coughing is not so fun.

one of my mom's friends from work whom (unfortunately) has my cell phone number called me at 9:30 this morning to wish me a happy 4th of july.....

i went on a couple of, what i would describe as, fun and promising dates, and the guys seemed pleased, too, but only time will tell. if nothing else, i got a free haircut and some free drinks out of the deal.

kittens are good. did i tell you i got kittens? i think i did. they're a bit rambunctious (spelling bee?) but nevertheless adorable.		  
     Post
 
   
12:06pm 08/06/2007
  somehow i was under the impression that there were fewer pot smokers in chicago than flagstaff... i was wrong. ha!

job = money = good.

i really wouldn't mind if mark moved out. i think he would be happier living in his own place and it would make everyone else's lives much more liveable.

meeting people = interesting.		  
     Read 1 - Post
 
   
03:26am 03/05/2007
  i shouldn't be looking at www.mydeathspace.com before bed..... i just want to hug suicidal people. good thing i've never known anyone who has committed suicide cuz i would surely blame myself. though the fact that no one i know personally has died recently kinda makes me paranoid that maybe i'm going to die..... again, shouldn't be looking at mydeathspace.

i'll probably be up this late next wednesday night/thursday morning, too, since 9:30 next thursday morning will mark my departure date and time from tempe to chicago. excited, nervous, loft bed, goodbye, hello, i know what i'm doing, what the fuck am i doing, hard wood floors, theater?, fuck you, don't touch me. ha

i feel.... like since i can't possibly see everyone i'd like to before i head off, that it would almost be unfair to see anyone. 2 more work shifts. i'll see strangers. they'll ask me "what's in chicago? are you graduating?" "...why, yes, yes i am, graduating from ARIZONA."

shower + bed now.		  
     Read 1 - Post
 
   
03:33am 14/04/2007
  oh, flagstaff, you pit of awfulness and stupidity and stagnacity (fake word, i hope), you.  
     Post
 
   
06:51pm 28/03/2007
  it's my birthday! and i'm home alone.... we'll assume my roomates are out and about gathering birthday goodies for me.

40 year olds are probably going through mid-life crisiseseses..es.

i'm the best friend a me could ever have.

fine! FINE! find out this way since you haven't bothered to ask! i'm moving to chicago in may! ha!

thank vishnu for bubble baths.		  
     Read 2 - Post
 
   
01:37am 07/03/2007
  it has been a while, hasn't it? as of late, i've been opting to write in my newish wooden journal. seems more private, less dramatic, more cathartic (sp?). i could be feeling shitty now, but i don't. things feel like they're falling in to place. like i'm being directed by "the forces that be" to where i am meant to be. it's pretty exciting.

mike doesn't talk to me anymore. i suppose that's his only way of getting over us. maybe it is the only way in general.

i feel like i've been set free. in so many ways. a little over 2 months til i move to chicago. the most exciting, grown up thing i've ever done.

i love going to the bars and talking to strangers. i love talking to strangers at work. a new friend of mine told me that people are much more friendly in the midwest. that talking to strangers is not as unusual. i'm not sure yet how i feel about that. i think part of the appeal in doing it here is that so many people seem put off at first.

even here, now, even though mike deleted me as one of his friends, i write carefully to protect myself or something. i guess that's one of the side effects of being betrayed.

that's alright, if you want the real story, you'll ask.		  
     Read 1 - Post
 
   
02:42pm 04/12/2006
  i thought i was supposed to be better now.... i've basically given up on nearly all of my classes this semester. i simply don't care. yeah.

i keep having weird dreams and nightmares. i dunno what that's about.

i find myself just wanting to have my own little apartment and a job for to pay my bills. that seems simple enough, and yet my dreams are squelched by the fear of the inevitable disappointment that my actions will cause.

coming to the realization that my family doesn't support or understand my wants and needs is rather disheartening.		  
     Read 1 - Post
 
   
12:18pm 16/10/2006
  my mom sucks. she's so unhelpful. i need to go see some sort of doctor person to get my chemicals balanced or something to that extent. she is supposed to be helping me in this process. she said she was gonna call the health center on campus to see if my dad had purchased a health plan for me this semester so i could just go there for free.... i called her today to see what she had found out and what does she tell me? "oh, i wasn't sure if seeing a doctor was something you were still interested in so i didn't call." WTF. she fails.

i dropped one of my spanish classes today. it seems like a good choice. so does dropping out of school til i decide what i actually want to do with myself, but apparently that isn't an acceptable option in anyone else's mind. i bet i should have stuck with hotel/restaurant management. maybe it's not too late. i'm gonna be in school forever either way.

i don't like being told what i can and can't do. especially when i'm supposed to be in charge of my own life.		  
     Read 3 - Post
 
   
11:36am 08/10/2006
  question: i know most of you who probably will read this aren't girls, but nevertheless, it must be said! why does it seem that most girls didn't learn how to dispose of their pads using the plastic wrapper thing that's made specifically for wrapping them up neatly and discretly?! gaaaaaaaaaaah.  
     Read 4 - Post
 
   
10:36am 08/09/2006
  i'm in love with my best friend and he's not even gay! i win!

school sucks. i have very little motivation.

i didn't go to choir yesterday cuz i needed to do laundry. i don't think i had washed anything since before i went to chicago, which was a MONTH AGO.

i woke up late today. too late to go to class, i decided. i'm debating between writing my teachers an email or not. i mean, if i write one, i reckon i'd tell them my (slight) allergy/cold symptoms had prevented me from attending class, but then what if i happen to run into them later? no no, i suppose it's better not to lie. blah. it's just one absence.		  
     Read 2 - Post
 
isn't it great to be alive?!   
01:41am 09/08/2006
  chicago was great fun. mark can make me laugh like no one else. harassing dogs. skybox was impressive. oh, god, chucky. i really think living in chicago after i graduate might be pretty awesome.

i should be sleeping. i should be more tired. seriously. what is this?!

my boyfriend is pretty ok, i guess, kinda, yeah, maybe, uh huh, mm hmm, yeah. i just,... yeah. yeah.		  
     Read 3 - Post
 
   
03:59pm 14/07/2006
  i'm having a sort of panic attack right now. i reckon the causes are as follows:

i've started dating a boy and i'm simply not used to the feeling and kinda freakin out about commitment and heartbreak i think.

BUT

moreso about my hair!!!!!!!!!!!
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
i got it cut yesterday. showed the stylist pictures and everything and she more of cut it all off instead of doing what i wanted and it's kinda uneven in places, too! i mean, it's not ugly, but i didn't want it this short. i feel kinda like a lesbian hedgehog and am not looking forward to the reactions at work and just... yeah.

*squeep*		  
     Read 4 - Post
 
   
10:02pm 04/07/2006
  god, it's already the 4th of july. what did i do tonight? a whole lot of nothing... i mean, i watched some tv movie about flight 93, but that's hardly worth mentioning, now isn't it? i worked today (surprise!) but i went home early cuz i had stabbing pains in my stomach. i think i know what caused it, but weee don't need to talk about that. you know what sucks? having feelings for guys who have proved themselves to be pretty much absolutely no good for me.  
     Post
 
   
11:52pm 19/06/2006
  so, i had to break it to the work date boy that it just isn't gonna happen romantic-wise with us tonight. i mean, he's cute, and nice, but he's a huge dork in kinda of an annoying bad way and he smells funny and he's a sloppy kisser and he's 27 and he has been engaged twice and has $12,000 in credit card debt and smokes weed every day and used to be an alcoholic and has scars from cutting himself and used to be fat (i mean, good for him and everything, but the mental stigmas that come with that are still there) and never graduated college and just... yeah. his response? "i'm more than happy enough with being just friends." i think that's code for "i want to die." lol.

i reckon going on more dates would be good. i suppose that'll just take more going out and about and talking with strangers. *shrug*

work is alright. tomorrow is day 8 of working 8 days straight, then i have wednesday off (OMG!!) and the end of the week is gonna be rough. i mean, wtf kinda schedule is it to work 10(open)-2 and then 5-10(close) in the same day?! that means i have to do sidework type shit like 3 times! christ, i better make bank that day.

i really want to take a vacation, especially to chicago to see maarck, but we are so short staffed at work that i wouldn't even think to ask for some time off anytime soon. perhaps august?

we shall see.		  
     Read 2 - Post
 
 
ayn_l_semen
 
 
skip  
 
 

Advertisement